Man in the Mirror

I start my first day of Junior year tomorrow.... and I'm oddly very nervous. I don't exactly know why. I mean it's not like I haven't done this before. I don't know... I am really most nervous about a class I have on T/Th which obviously isn't tomorrow, but I am so nervous! And it's not that it's a hard class, just one I am dreading. I know it's just my anxiety that is making me this way and I'm just making things worse in my head than they really are, but sometimes it just happens and I don't know what to do about it. I wanted to read some of my Bible tonight to maybe calm me down, but I quickly realized that it's in my car. (Good place for it to be, I know.... not.) I wish I wasn't so worried, but I am. And I know this is lame... but I'm kind of getting a little homesick already. I miss my family so much. It's always hard for me to get back in the swing of things after summer break. Why can't we just go to college and hang out with our friends and not have classes? That would make me feel better about life. Oh well... I'll get over it.

It's late and I have class at 9. Goodnight! :)

Don't Stop Til You Get Enough

Well today has been a better day. Thank goodness! I got my car back and got my new pair of Toms in the mail. Love! Anyway... Like I said in my last post, I'm going to talk about all the new things going on in my life. :)

This summer I've been working with the youth at my church and I've really learned a lot about myself. I've also kind of found what I think is going to make me happiest. For the past few months I've been feeling like God has been pulling me in a new career path. A few times this summer I've sung in church, and every time it has just felt right and like that's where I'm supposed to be. I've been thinking and writing a few things and trying to get better on the guitar to help with this. I'm going to start trying to find ways to purse this and try to make it happen. I do not plan on changing my major or anything like that. I think the music training I'm getting right now is going to get me prepared for this perfectly. And I still love singing and acting. I'm not giving that up at all. If God wants me to act and be on the stage, I know He'll make that happen. I just feel that right now this Christian music thing is what I'm supposed to be pursuing right now. I have a few ideas I'm going to be working on to get this going so just keep me and this whole situation in your prayers. :)

I'm really excited about this year. For some reason I just get this feeling like it's my year and things are going to go great. I have an awesome new suite and the best friends anyone could ask for. I just cannot wait to see what happens! I'm so excited to get back and see what happens with everything that's going on in my life. I have other exciting things going on, but I don't really want to talk about them on here just yet. Don't want to jinx it! :)

Love to you all.

Human Nature

So first in this post I'd like to tell you about how gross my week has been...

#1 - I was on my way home from Wally World when I realized I was in desperate need of some gas so I stopped to get enough to get me home because I didn't have a ton of money. As a precursor to this story, let's all remember that my car does not have automatic door locks, so every time I get out of my car it's a habit for me to lock my door. Unfortunately when I did this, I ended up locking my keys in my car... along with my purse... which contained my cell phone... All I had in my hand was my debit card and the receipt for my gas. I had to go inside and ask if I could use the phone and explained the situation. The lady behind the counter proceeded to ask if this would be a local call......?..... I wanted to say, "No actually. I have a bad habit of locking my keys and phone in my car at gas stations and going in to use their phones to call China." But instead I just politely said yes. I tried to keep my cool as I waited for one of my parents to bring me my spare key, and then....

#2 - I had a panic attack. I stood waiting for about 30 minutes because both of my parents were across town from our house. I started thinking about the worst things that could happen to me. I felt so lost because I had no way to contact someone in my family if something happened to me. I didn't want to cry because I didn't want anyone to ask me what was wrong or try to take advantage of me, but it was almost impossible to hold in as my anxiety elevated. As I'm standing there almost to the point of tears, a truck pulls up behind me waiting for me to move, obviously thinking that I'm almost done getting my gas. That's where I lost it. I just wanted him to go away, but I didn't want to tell him why I wasn't moving. I just turned my back to him and stood there, sobbing. A little while later my dad was there to calm me down, open my car, and finish filling my tank. It's about 5:30 by this point and I haven't eaten all day, so dad gave me some money to run get something. And all was right with the world.

#3 - The next day, I'm home alone while my parents are at work and realize that we don't have anything really for me to throw together to eat, so I decide ok no big deal. I'll just run get something. No problem. I go out to my car and turn it on and it starts sputtering.

Problem.

I thought maybe it's just having a hard time getting started and it'll just go away. I back out of my drive, switch to Drive, and push on the gas petal. I go nowhere. So I coast back into the driveway and try the whole thing again. Nothing changes. So now I'm starving and have a car that's on the fritz. My dad looks at it when he gets home and puts it in Park. He pushes on the gas petal and this cloud of black smoke comes out of my muffler. My dad takes it to the shop today and says that I got bad gas from the gas station where I had my panic attack the day before. Awesome. Apparently the gas had some diesel fuel in it. So they have to siphon ALL the gas out of my car and put new gas in it... if there's not a bigger problem with it... So I have no car for 2 days and I need to run errands while my parents are at work since I'm about to go back to college on Sunday. Lame. At least we kept the receipt and now the gas station is having to pay to get my car fixed. They had had many similar complaints.

#4 - Today starts out great.... I got my hair cut to the perfect length and spent some time with my momma.... until we go out to my grandparents house. Their house is like the bug capital of the world, and I always get eaten alive by mosquitoes. So as I'm running into the house to dodge the mosquitoes, I fail to see the yellow jacket nest that has formed above the screen door. So I make one of those yellow jackets really mad at me and he stings me on the back of my shoulder. I don't know why, but for some reason that was so painful for me. It hurt so bad. I immediately started to cry, and continued to cry for another 30 minutes. I think it was all the badness that had built up that week that made me cry so much.

So there's my awful week. I was going to end this positively by talking about some new and really cool changes in my life, but this is already really long and I don't want to ramble. I'll just save it for tomorrow. :)

Smooth Criminal

So a lot of my friends have started getting blogstpots, so I thought I would check it out. I'm not really sure how often I'll be able to keep up with this during the year, but we'll see. :)

School is about to start back up and I cannot BELIEVE that I am about to be a Junior. I'm halfway through with my degree. It seems like just yesterday I was an incoming Freshman, and now I'm and Upperclassman. Dang, time flies. But my time at college has been amazing. I wouldn't change a minute of it. Even the bad stuff has helped me learn a lot of life lessons. I'm really proud of everything I've done there and hope to do more in my last 2 years.

I cannot wait to get back to school and see everyone and decorate my suite with my amazing roommates. It's going to be so fantastic. I absolutely cannot wait! :)

Oh dang, I didn't realize it was getting close to 3 am. I've been packing and making a photo collage I just kind of lost track of time! Haha! Oh well... More to come!