One Of These Days

This has been one rough month for me and my family. First my grandfather passed away, then we found out one of my aunts is in the early stages of Parkinson's, and then to top it all off we found out my grandmother has (well had) breast cancer. This all happened within 24 days. Crazy stuff. My grandmother is as fine as can be expected now. They removed the lump and could tell right off that it was indeed cancer. They also took some of her lymph nodes to see if it had spread. Thankfully, it hadn't and wasn't aggressive so now all she'll have to do is take some medicine, which is such a relief because if it had and had been aggressive, there would have been nothing we could have done. My grandma was up for a double mastectomy if that's what it would take, but the doctor said he wasn't sure if she would even make it through the surgery, much less kemo or radiation. We really don't know what's going to happen with my aunt yet. They caught it fairly early so that's good, but it's still not a good situation.

My grandfather passing away has been the hardest thing I've had to deal with this summer. He was such a wonderful man and I really thought he would be the one to live the longest. He had an aortic dissection with just means that there was a tear in his aorta which caused fluid to flood his heart. It was a fluke thing that no one could have know about or stopped. It just happens. It was just so sudden and he was such a healthy guy. Our family was completely taken of guard. It's still hard each day. There just always seems to be something that I remember about him that makes me so sad that I'll never get to do with him or see him do again. The biggest thing for me involves IBC root beer. I never drank root beer unless I went up to my grandparents house. My granddad always made sure that there were root beers for me while I was there. Even the last time I saw him he searched for one for me. He and all his sons were working outside and they had a big cooler of drinks. I went outside to sit and watch them and grabbed a Dr. Pepper out of the cooler. "Don't you want a root beer?", my granddad asked, "There's some in there." "Oh it's ok. I didn't see any so I just grabbed this Dr. Pepper." I answered. He immediately walked over to the cooler, stuck his hand down in the freezing ice water and pulled out a bottle of root beer that had been on the bottom. "There you go!" he said with a smile. I didn't really think much of the incident at the time, but looking back I am so glad I had that root beer because I had no idea that that would be the last time I saw my granddad alive. He was the best granddad and such a strong Christian man. He knew more about the Bible just by studying on his own than most pastors learn in their entire time at college and seminary. The most comforting thing about his death was that I know exactly where he is right now. And I guarantee he is having the most amazing and fun time that he has ever had so I can't be too sad for him. :) I will miss him so much, but I will see him again when I get to Heaven.

In a weird way this whole experience has brought me so much closer to God. On my way to see my grandmom when granddad died, I felt so close to Him. I just had to lean on Him and just trust in Him completely. It was an incredible feeling. In fact, I even wrote a song the night before my granddad's funeral. God was just sending me this tune and these words and I think it's pretty darn good if I do say so myself. :) It was good to come out with something beautiful out of something so sad. Here are the lyrics:

Verse:

Your are God

You are not quick to anger

You are peace

Strong and might to save

You are love

Even when I am unlovable

You are God

There is none like You

Chorus:

We praise Your name Jesus

Giver of everything

All for Your glory

To You alone we sing

And I'm so unworthy

Of Your unfailing love

But You died to save me

And You reign victorious

The only thing I'm unsure about is the last line of the chorus. But other than that I love it. I'm still figuring out the chords to it and then I'm going to try and figure out a way to record it. Let me know what you think of the lyrics though.

Well this has been on long post so I'm going to end it here. What and awesome and mighty God we serve! :) Love to all!

I'll Follow the Sun....

Man... It's been a while, blog.

Well... It's summer. I'm taking 3 summer classes and working with the youth at church. Spanish I and II and Personal Finance.... What an exciting summer... haha oh well. I'm sure it will get more exciting. I love my youth kids so much. They are the best. The day after my birthday, my mom tells me that we're going over to one of my kids, Molly's, house to watch a movie and just hang out. We go over around 7 and I open the door to the majority of my kids blowing noisemakers and shouting "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!" It was the best surprise ever. They had a huge Happy Birthday banner, cake, and a few presents. It was the best birthday ever. They were so sweet to think of me and do that for me. I loved it. Then, we all play Just Dance on Molly's Wii and it was HILARIOUS! :) The boys all got up at one point and told me to pick a song that I wanted them to dance to, so naturally I picked "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" by Cydni Lauper. It was the best. I love them so much. I can't wait to go to Florida with them.

Monday I will be putting all my birthday money in the bank and I will be buying what I've been saving for... a Canon Rebel T1i camera. I can't wait!!! :)

Well I've got family at my house. I'll write more later! :)

Lynley

You Are Not Alone

Wow... It's been forever since I've posted on here. Things have just been so crazy and I have had like no time to do anything. Anyway...

I've been feeling really down lately, and I'm not really sure why. Some of it is just because I'm a little homesick, but the rest I just don't know. I think one thing is that I've been feeling really far from God lately. I just feel like I've gone off the path He has for me and gone down my own. I'm really trying to get back on track. I was reminded by looking at someone's Facebook about Misty Edwards and her music. I started looking up the lyrics to her songs, and they are so incredibly beautiful... I can't even explain how amazing they are. They are so simple and some only are made up of 3 or 4 phrases, but they are the most eloquent and powerful lyrics I have ever read. They just impacted me so much and made me want to write again. I stopped for a while because I was just getting frustrated because I couldn't figure out things on my guitar, but then it was like God put something in front of me and was like "Here you are!" It was wonderful. I just found something that helped me understand the notes on my guitar and it was just perfect. So now I'm playing my guitar a little bit every day and learning new songs and chords and things and it's wonderful. Now I'm back to the plan that I'm pretty God wants me to follow. I just feel Him calling me to be in the Christian music industry, and honestly, I'm pretty sure that's exactly where I want to be.

So all in all it's been a sad few weeks, but the past few days have been enlightening and hopefully things will start to get better. I want to end this post with the simple lyrics of Misty Edwards. I hope they inspire you the way they inspired me. :)

Light of Your Face by Misty Edwards


O Lord bless me and keep me cause Your face to shine on me

Lord be gracious lift the light of Your countenance give me peace

I live only to see your face so shine on me

Let the light of Your face shine down on my heart and let me feel it

Off The Wall

Lots of things going on... Life is so crazy busy at this point, but it's getting better day by day. I've got a lot of things worked out with my classes and things, so I think it's going to be a much better semester.

I've made a positive decision for my life. Or at least what I feel is a positive decision. I'm going to start trying to write some music. I'm going to devote my Tuesday/Thursdays and weekends to not only studying, but also to writing. I don't know... I just keep getting this feeling that that's something I need to be doing with my life. I'm going to be getting some stuff together and trying to get in contact with some Christian record labels. (Please don't laugh...) I know it sounds like a HUGE dream and something that seems out of reach, but I just have to believe in what I'm doing and go for it. I just really feel like I'm being called to do this. I absolutely love singing in church and praising my God. I mean even today just singing hymns in the choir I was completely happy and I knew that was what I needed to be doing.

This is something I'm really nervous about. I have NEVER seriously thought about something like this in a very long time. And I know I'm not the best at playing musical instruments, so that makes it kind of hard. I mean, I pretty much have the guitar down except I'm not very quick and my strumming's not the best, but I do pretty well. The piano is a completely different story. I took piano lessons for about 5 years and don't remember anything. I can pick things out on the piano and play chords and stuff, but playing the right hand and left hand at the same time is just something I haven't gotten a handle on yet. I've written 2 songs in the past. Not Christian songs, but I think they're ok. All I have down on paper are my lyrics, but I can hear the tune and stuff in my head when I look at them. I just need to get that down on paper.

Well... I guess all I can say is just be praying for me in this decision with my life and just that God's will is done. I just want Him to be pleased with me and say "Well done." when I get to heaven. I love you all. :)

Man in the Mirror

I start my first day of Junior year tomorrow.... and I'm oddly very nervous. I don't exactly know why. I mean it's not like I haven't done this before. I don't know... I am really most nervous about a class I have on T/Th which obviously isn't tomorrow, but I am so nervous! And it's not that it's a hard class, just one I am dreading. I know it's just my anxiety that is making me this way and I'm just making things worse in my head than they really are, but sometimes it just happens and I don't know what to do about it. I wanted to read some of my Bible tonight to maybe calm me down, but I quickly realized that it's in my car. (Good place for it to be, I know.... not.) I wish I wasn't so worried, but I am. And I know this is lame... but I'm kind of getting a little homesick already. I miss my family so much. It's always hard for me to get back in the swing of things after summer break. Why can't we just go to college and hang out with our friends and not have classes? That would make me feel better about life. Oh well... I'll get over it.

It's late and I have class at 9. Goodnight! :)

Don't Stop Til You Get Enough

Well today has been a better day. Thank goodness! I got my car back and got my new pair of Toms in the mail. Love! Anyway... Like I said in my last post, I'm going to talk about all the new things going on in my life. :)

This summer I've been working with the youth at my church and I've really learned a lot about myself. I've also kind of found what I think is going to make me happiest. For the past few months I've been feeling like God has been pulling me in a new career path. A few times this summer I've sung in church, and every time it has just felt right and like that's where I'm supposed to be. I've been thinking and writing a few things and trying to get better on the guitar to help with this. I'm going to start trying to find ways to purse this and try to make it happen. I do not plan on changing my major or anything like that. I think the music training I'm getting right now is going to get me prepared for this perfectly. And I still love singing and acting. I'm not giving that up at all. If God wants me to act and be on the stage, I know He'll make that happen. I just feel that right now this Christian music thing is what I'm supposed to be pursuing right now. I have a few ideas I'm going to be working on to get this going so just keep me and this whole situation in your prayers. :)

I'm really excited about this year. For some reason I just get this feeling like it's my year and things are going to go great. I have an awesome new suite and the best friends anyone could ask for. I just cannot wait to see what happens! I'm so excited to get back and see what happens with everything that's going on in my life. I have other exciting things going on, but I don't really want to talk about them on here just yet. Don't want to jinx it! :)

Love to you all.

Human Nature

So first in this post I'd like to tell you about how gross my week has been...

#1 - I was on my way home from Wally World when I realized I was in desperate need of some gas so I stopped to get enough to get me home because I didn't have a ton of money. As a precursor to this story, let's all remember that my car does not have automatic door locks, so every time I get out of my car it's a habit for me to lock my door. Unfortunately when I did this, I ended up locking my keys in my car... along with my purse... which contained my cell phone... All I had in my hand was my debit card and the receipt for my gas. I had to go inside and ask if I could use the phone and explained the situation. The lady behind the counter proceeded to ask if this would be a local call......?..... I wanted to say, "No actually. I have a bad habit of locking my keys and phone in my car at gas stations and going in to use their phones to call China." But instead I just politely said yes. I tried to keep my cool as I waited for one of my parents to bring me my spare key, and then....

#2 - I had a panic attack. I stood waiting for about 30 minutes because both of my parents were across town from our house. I started thinking about the worst things that could happen to me. I felt so lost because I had no way to contact someone in my family if something happened to me. I didn't want to cry because I didn't want anyone to ask me what was wrong or try to take advantage of me, but it was almost impossible to hold in as my anxiety elevated. As I'm standing there almost to the point of tears, a truck pulls up behind me waiting for me to move, obviously thinking that I'm almost done getting my gas. That's where I lost it. I just wanted him to go away, but I didn't want to tell him why I wasn't moving. I just turned my back to him and stood there, sobbing. A little while later my dad was there to calm me down, open my car, and finish filling my tank. It's about 5:30 by this point and I haven't eaten all day, so dad gave me some money to run get something. And all was right with the world.

#3 - The next day, I'm home alone while my parents are at work and realize that we don't have anything really for me to throw together to eat, so I decide ok no big deal. I'll just run get something. No problem. I go out to my car and turn it on and it starts sputtering.

Problem.

I thought maybe it's just having a hard time getting started and it'll just go away. I back out of my drive, switch to Drive, and push on the gas petal. I go nowhere. So I coast back into the driveway and try the whole thing again. Nothing changes. So now I'm starving and have a car that's on the fritz. My dad looks at it when he gets home and puts it in Park. He pushes on the gas petal and this cloud of black smoke comes out of my muffler. My dad takes it to the shop today and says that I got bad gas from the gas station where I had my panic attack the day before. Awesome. Apparently the gas had some diesel fuel in it. So they have to siphon ALL the gas out of my car and put new gas in it... if there's not a bigger problem with it... So I have no car for 2 days and I need to run errands while my parents are at work since I'm about to go back to college on Sunday. Lame. At least we kept the receipt and now the gas station is having to pay to get my car fixed. They had had many similar complaints.

#4 - Today starts out great.... I got my hair cut to the perfect length and spent some time with my momma.... until we go out to my grandparents house. Their house is like the bug capital of the world, and I always get eaten alive by mosquitoes. So as I'm running into the house to dodge the mosquitoes, I fail to see the yellow jacket nest that has formed above the screen door. So I make one of those yellow jackets really mad at me and he stings me on the back of my shoulder. I don't know why, but for some reason that was so painful for me. It hurt so bad. I immediately started to cry, and continued to cry for another 30 minutes. I think it was all the badness that had built up that week that made me cry so much.

So there's my awful week. I was going to end this positively by talking about some new and really cool changes in my life, but this is already really long and I don't want to ramble. I'll just save it for tomorrow. :)